THE GREAT DEPRESSION

Seriously i'm really piss off and frustrated.I'm frustrated because i cut my hair and i'm piss off because i had to cut it.It all started when i keep a promise to her that i will cut my hair after spm,but i never did.It's because i'm not ready to cut my hair and i have a certainty that i will look bad.
 What a stupid promise i made to myself and also her.After a months,i came to a decision that i will cut my hair and i don't want to dissapoint her.Whenever she call me,she would ask me when will i cut my hair.My answer would be i'm not ready yet or i don't wanna cut my hair.But,if answer those i'm dead serious...I never told her about my past and she only knew quarter of it.
  When i was in miri,i'm a bit of a nerd and i really have low self esteem and self confidence.It's because my so call "friends" would make a joke out of me and i was a laughing stock in class.Does'nt matter if i was in primary or secondary school,i'm still just a laughing stock...They would called me the alleycats,"sarang tebuan","palak bulat","ball headed boy" and "round up cowboy".Sometimes they would stick something into my hair and just let it stick into me,if i refuse they would say i'm not sporting and open minded.
 So i came up with a solution of cutting my hair short,i thought i was all over but i was wrong.They always had a name just in store for me.They would greet me and say,"kck na rmbut ko jat,kdk muka sek" i ingnored those comments..i still remember they called me "shit head".
 That's what happened to me in the past,eventhough some of my friends keep encouraging me and try to gave me some confidence.But i still lack of it.
  But everything changed when i came to kuching,my friends would say my hair is "rugged" or "kacak".they were encouraging me to keep my hair long or just maintain the same.But sometimes,i have to follow by the school rules.Whenever i cut my hair short,they would say "syg rmbut ko pendek,da x ensem gk.P kin macho." I'm really flatered by their comments and to be honest they never called me names or say hurtful thing to me.I really appreciate as friends and as best bro's.
  But thing does'nt run as smoothly as i thought it would be,some people were just too over their heads.They would laugh at me when i cut my hair short,i remember them.
   Sometimes when i cut my hair,i would lost self confidence,SERIOUSLY..I would'nt go out with my family or with my friends.I would stay at home doing nothing and try to gain back my confidence level quickly.
  Now i'm not mad at her,i'm just very dissapointed.I did this because i don't wanna make you dissapointed in me and i don't want you to get fed up of reminding me to cut my hair.Senang crita la,panda mok jaga ati garfield and panda xda niat mok plh garfield sdih..I'm sorry if lately i don't wanna text you or call you.I just need a little time alone..Hope you understand.
  Remember this,I STILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT and I REALLY MISS YOU.

IRRITATES AND WORRIES

 It really piss me of when something is bothering me when i'm still on the phone with my lover.It's not her fault at all,i blame my handphone..Everytime i'm on the phone,her voice would sometimes fade and sometimes i can't hear her at all.I'm sorry garfield,panda x main2..panda x polah x dengar,panda nang mena2 x dengar garfield time garfield klaka.That's what trigger's anger and frustration.I'm sorry if we can only talk for a short period of time.
  The other thing is,i'm very worry about her well-being.She complains that she's sometime feel very nausea and her back hurts and she often had a headache.Seriously,i'm very worry about her.I try to persuade her to go to see the doctor for check up,but she refuses to go.She says that she's fine and everything will be alright,but i'm pretty sure that she is still sick and needs medical attention.To me,she's going for a fever or it's her bone that causes this problem.
  A couple months back,i still remember when she complains that her backbone hurts that she could'nt lie and she feels very cold.She vomit later that day,so i ask her to go see the doctor and she did.When she come back,she tells me that she's suffering from weak bones which causes all of those sickness and motion pain.It was an inherited disease.She once tell me that her sister suffer from the same illness as her does.Now i know what's her illness are,so i'm certain that she's suffer from the same illness again.
   I'm just very worry about her that's all..If i were there with her,surely i WILL take her to see the doctor and i will force her to take the medicine.I'm not hurting her,i'm just censorn about her.I'm afraid that she will be very weak and vulnerable to other diseases..
  I love her and i don't want anything happen to her..I just want her to know that i'm always loving her for the way she is and i'm always care about her wellness.I love you garfield,i really am..I pray that she will be alright and very will be fine.AMIN..

WITH HER...

 It's been 2 months with her and to be honest I didn't notice that we're already been together for about 2 months.From what i believe in,if we still love each other and work hard on our relationship...Insyaallah our relationship would take us to greater heights that we could achieve together.That greater heights is me marrying her.It's possible,but difficult.
   I purposely said that because it's true.Our lives will change and maybe we'll have to go far away in order to pursue our dreams.But,if we still remember each other and believe in GOD,maybe our ultimate goal can someday be achieved by us.GOD will always throw something at us.Wether it's big or small,short or tall that obstacle is,but we still have to maintain or keep increasing our IMAN.That way,GOD will always keep us to stick to one another for a very very long time.
   I believe in her and i trust her with all my heart.I love her for who she is and not for who she was.I kept a promise to her and myself that one day we will get MARRIED and have a family of our own.
   The bottom line is that if we are very very devoted to one another,love each other with all our hearts,a hardwork in our relationship and the most of all is to pray that our relationship will last as long as it could.
    I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I MISS YOU SO BADLY..I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY SUPRA AND I MISS YOU AS MUCH AS I MISS MY MOUSTACHE!